Posted on November 30th, 2006 at 3:25 am by emmaro and
Hello every one,
In English class we have been reading a very interesting book, well actually it is not really a book; it is a diary of a young girl that lived in a “Secret Annex” to hide from the Germans in Amsterdam, Holland during the Second World War! In it she writes about her thoughts. The book is called, Anne Frank, a Diary of a Young Girl and while reading it I came across one interesting thing. It all started when I was reading on page 102, I read one sentence that pulled my special attention, it is as following: “I don’t think my opinions are stupid and others do; so it is better to keep them to myself.” In general this quote says that Anne thinks that her opinions are not stupid but that she also believes that others do think that they are, so that’s why she does not share them with any one and only writes them in her diary. I personally think that it is really important to share you thoughts on particular subjects! For example, if you really disagree on some thing that the rest of your class agrees on and you have a strong statement to support your thoughts, go up there and show them what you are made of! Maybe you are shy, or maybe you don not mind talking all you like. The thing that matters is that it is important to tell people what you think as long as you have the right to! I conclusion, I would like every one to just go out there and show the world what you believe in!
To add to this I have written a letter that I would send to Anne Frank if she was still alive about this quote:
Dear Anne,
In English we are all reading your diary and we enjoy it very much, but one day I came across a sentence that when I read it, I began to think. It is on page 102 and it is as following: “I don’t think my opinions are stupid and others do; so it is better to keep them to myself.” After this I asked myself one question, is your decision a wise one or should you tell others your opinions even though it seems like they don not appreciate it that much? Once I thought it over I came to the conclusion that it is good that you believe that your ideas and opinions are not stupid, but you should not think straight away that others feel that they are! I know that maybe they laugh at you or say that you talk too much but it is important to give your opinion of things as long as you are allowed to! Let others know if you agree or disagree on certain things. Like this you can also get into interesting discussions about the subject and maybe by doing that you get to know every one a little better! In general I just think that you should share your thoughts a little more with the people around you and I think that you should not mind about what they think of you too much!
I hope this will help and I also hope that I have not been a pain in the neck with this long and boring letter, I just want to help!
Sincerely,
Emma O.
Thank you for reading my writing!
Have a nice day.
Link Here | December 1, 2006,
Emma, brilliant job! This is one of your first few posts, and I think it’s really good. I loved the part where you told people to stand up for their ideas in class — it really reflects your ideas! You also talked about the pg.102 and the quote and everything, but you have repeated it, once to the readers and once in the letter to Anne Frank! But when people read it, they will feel it a bit repetetive.But, you did an amazing job !!
:)
Sai :]
sai8 |
Link Here | December 2, 2006,
Hey Emma, this is what i thought about these topics when i read your post.
Ideas & Content
i thought your letter to anne was clear, mainly focused, relevant, with detail. you could improve this by relating more to yourself more to make it seem like you understand her better.
Organization
you had a nice introduction but not much of a conclusion, though you did have sort of one: “I just think that you should share your thoughts a little more with the people around you and I think that you should not mind about what they think of you too much!”
it was effectively organized in logical and creative manner.
A good fit with topic, purpose, audience.
i like how you organized it by introduction, main points, then conclusion
Voice
i felt that you were actually talking to me and anne, because it really sounded like you alot. you also sounded really sincere to anne in the letter. but you could add a little something to it to make it sound more lively.
great job!
-catrina-
catrina- |
Link Here | December 3, 2006,
This is a very good voice because it sounds exactly like a letter. It is good because it is as if you are connecting with anne. Your organization is very good and you have done well to stay on topixc throughout the post
Abhi |
Link Here | December 4, 2006,
Hey Emma,
I dont want to be mean but this post is very bare. It doesn’t have that many details so the readers starts to stray away. Try to make your posts longer with more details. If you did that then it would be great!! You have some awesome ideas right now! Great! Keep it up!
Taylor
taylorjf |
Link Here | December 4, 2006,
Idea: Your post, letter, does not include any off-topic information. But, I recommend you to delete the part where you said ‘In English we are all reading your diary and we enjoy it very much, but one day I came across a sentence that when I read it, I began to think.’ and change the second sentece, ‘It is on page….’ because you don’t have to explain where in the book the quote is located, first, she doesn’t know that her diary is made and published in a book, and second, you already told the readers what you are going to write about.
Organization: The sentences are in appropriate places. However, I recommend you to include your own experiences and explain your answer more specifically with more details.
Voice: Nice! I can feel that ‘Emma Voice’ from the letter.
Word choice: Well, your words are appropriate but I recommend you to change some words because they seem to be very simple.
Sentence Fluency: Good job and once you change the idea and organization, it will automatically become super!
Sarah |
Link Here | December 5, 2006,
Emma, I left another comment before talking about your writing in general, so I will proceed with the six traits:
WORD CHOICE: Descriptive, broad range of words; word choice energizes writing.
I feel your writing is extremely descriptive, and you put down what you think very clearly.Yet, if you just were to enhance your writing with a couple of stronger words, it would make such a better effect.
SENTENCE FLUENCY:Easy flow and rhythym; good variety in length and structure
Emma, your sentence fluency was great, and readers knew just what you were talking.But, sometimes, you got a bit repetitive.
CONVENTIONS: Strong control of conventions; errors are few or minor.
You have done a wonderful job, but again, like I said before, try to use stronger words to really pull your point through.Great job.
Sai :]
sai8 |